Suppose you were in possesion of something very sensitive, very controversial, yet very powerful. Supose you tucked this special little something away in some out-of-the-way place, and kept a very careful eye on it. Now suppose some of the radical element found out about it, and via that element your hiding spot became public, even a pop culture fixation. Would you even think twice about relocating your treasures elsewhere? And wouldn't it just be perfect if everyone thought you hadn't? Thought you would leave it for all to peak at? Yes, that would be tidy. Perhaps I'm being just a bit too coy about this, so I'll just say it; anyone out there who believes there is anything of interest left in the fabled "Area 51" or "Dreamland" is a stone-cold fool. Virtually everyone in the world has heard of Area51. It has better marketing than Michael Jordan. T-shirts, movies, video, toys, music, novels, video games, web sites(nudge nudge). The local yokels sit outside in lawn chairs waiting the Greys to take them away, and I hope they do. Good riddance. Morons. Face it, folks. Area51 is nothing but a red herring. Think about it. If those hayseeds camping around the perimeter actually saw something important, they would turn up three weeks later and 50 miles away, half-eaten by coyotes. Gee, must've wandered off in a drunkin stupor. Silly hayseed. But no, instead they get chased off by the scary Chevy Suburbans with all the verv of an angry old man chasing kids off his lawn. Now the rumor is that Area 51 is moving to Utah. The "Area 51 Roadshow!". "Gee, I guess those clever civilians out there are finally getting wise to our hijinks. Might as well pack up and do our thing in Utah. But don't tell nobody! Tee Hee!". The only thing I find more insulting than the government's bullshit is the public's eagerness to eat it up. The only thing better than storing away alien technology in a desert base is making everyone think you do. Pretty lightshow now and again. Spooky black choppers to keep the fear factor high. So romantic. Don't get me wrong. It's not like I don't believe the government has "aquired" some juicy stuff over the years. I truly believe they have. But they're smarter than that. That's right, they're smart. They're smarter than you. They know what you'll believe better than you do. They run things, and you just hang on, so save the trite political sarcasm for "Doonsbury". The United States Federal Government has the American Public so entranced with what is is happening in their right hand, that we will never notice the left until its too late. Take the case of Robert Lazar, a physicist allegedly hired to work at Area 51, reverse-engineering gravity-based alien technology. He was granted "Majestic" clearance, which supposedly the President does not have. Quite alot of trust to place in an unknowb scientist. His testimony in botched in places- he can recall things about Area 51 in great detail, but cannot recall a single class of instructor from his days at UCLA. The wording of his accounts is also very revealing; he frequently describes being "led" about the site, or deliberatly "led" before strange aircraft. In another instance, Lazar even suspects he is being set-up;"I walked down the hallway...and I noticed...two guys...looking down and talking to something small with long arms. I don't know what on earth that was...maybe they stuck a doll in front of these guys and made me walk by it...just to see...my reaction". Lazar claims he was continuously threatened and intimidated against revealing information. He also suspects some mind tampering using drugs and hypnosis, but of course, he cannot clearly recall any details. So here we have a man of dubious education and repute, claiming to have worked in the imfamous Area 51, divulging detailed accounts that read like a Sci-Fi author's wet dream. Lie detector tests tentativelly reveal that Lazar is telling the truth, or at least the truth as he perceives it. He was threatened just enough to run to the press for cover. George Knapp, the Las Vegas reporter who broke the story, himself believes Lazar was selected for the purpose of revealing some the secrets of Area 51. Lazar is, in my opinion, a dupe. A government-programmed stooge enhancing the convenient myth of Area 51, playing his part to the last letter. The man believes what he says, and if any of it were true, he would have disappeared a long time ago. The details of his story are too well-scripted, too convenient, too savory to be anything but pure fiction. The governement has exploited counter-culture mythology to its advantage the way it exploits everything else. It has made Area 51 into a veritable alter of disinformation and propaganda. There's an old theory about conpspiracies; take all that you know of the evils of the world, and take that to the 10th power, and there you'll have something close to the truth. Someday the public may get a look inside Area 51, but what is a more frightening thought is the day we get a look into the U.S. government's true Dreamlands.